Although this trip has been amazing (minus the driving in Sacramento! And I'm not even downtown!) I know there is more that awaits me. And I hesitate...
From the minute I arrived at my hotel in the cities, I knew there was something that was going to happen. Nothing bad. Actually, I knew a couple days before I even left that something was going to happen. I want to embrace it...yet I hesitate. I want to melt in it, yet I hesitate. I know He's calling, waiting...patiently waiting... Yet I hesitate. Don't get me wrong, time with Him has been so good... But I know it's just been the "practice". The "pre-game warm-up" if you will (for any sports fan out there). A taste of the feast that awaits me. The preparation for the true meaning of me being here. I know that. I know it's good, because it's God's heart for me..and HE is good. So it HAS to be good, right?
Yet I hesitate...
Why??
For fear that the emotions will get out of control? (those of you that know me, know I like to be in control in that area) For fear that the tears won't stop? (I know tears can be healing...yet I still dislike crying...greatly) For fear that the wounds will be ripped wide open and I won't know how to close them back up again, and I'll bleed to death? (pretty ugly, huh) For fear all of this will be going on and I'll be alone? (are we ever truly alone? Hmmm...)
Yes...to all of the above.
As I've been writing this I have to be brutally honest. From the minute I arrived at my hotel in the cities, I have felt on the edge of the cliff. I have been on the verge of utter bawling from that very moment. Yes, there have been tears...but I haven't had the guts to take that step off the edge of the cliff and "free-fall". I keep my feet firmly planted...sometimes sliding my foot forward and letting my toes dangle off the edge...but then I pull back. Some tears, yes...some hurt, yes...some memories, yes...some healing, yes. But to take the plunge...to totally let go and take that next step..however small of a step it may be...mere inches, I'm sure... I hesitate.
Letting go...trusting God will be there when I fall...to catch me, to hold me, to allow the things to come forth and be dealt with... I hesitate.
Why?
Is it too real? Is it unacceptable in my eyes to totally lose that control? Is it fear?
I don't know. Maybe???
I can tell you exactly what it feels like. Even as I type this I'm standing on the edge of the cliff... Tears starting to develop, stinging my eyes. I can honestly feel His presence drawing closer to me. I can sense His arms ready to wrap around me...to envelope me into safety..totally covering me..warm and inviting... I can feel His gentleness, His love, His understanding... I can feel my heart starting to race, a slight melting of the wall that has been erected around my heart these last few months...an inviting call to freedom that awaits me...so sweet, so beautiful. I can even feel my entire body soften, almost preparing to physically let go as well as emotionally. I want it! I want to turn into a puddle of mess on the floor because I KNOW there is freedom, and healing, and restoration just around the corner. It's so close I can almost touch it. I can smell it, like the smell of the outdoors during a drought, after a much needed, refreshing rain... I can see it... Similar to the clouds rolling back, and allowing the most amazingly breathtaking symbol of God's promise to appear in the form of a rainbow. Not just an ordinary rainbow, mind you, but one that clearly shows every color so specifically, you were sure that you just witnessed God Himself paint it right before your very eyes. It's comparable to the most amazing food ever tasted...making your taste buds dance with joy as whatever it is, melts in your mouth. Like a friend you have longed to spend time with, and you hear your phone ring and you suddenly realize it's them calling.
What person in their right mind would reject such an amazing experience???
Yup, thats right.. I still hesitate....
I go so far and stop. Even the tears shrink back to dryness. The stinging stops. And I can feel Him pull back. Not away...just back. He won't force me, He won't get mad at me, and He won't leave me. He just pulls back. And waits...
Patiently waiting.
And all of those amazing things that I just explained above, dissolve into the darkness once again. Fading, until there is no evidence they even existed at all. And the fog of "everything's ok" creeps back in until it feels normal again.
Normal... My heart doesn't want to be "normal" anymore.
So now what? I know the answer to that...
All I have to do, is take the step... Let go...and allow Him to do what He does best.
Simply love me.
Yet... Well, you know what's coming next...
Yup... I hesitate...
(sigh)
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
So close, so big...
I find myself in an interesting situation this morning, and not exactly knowing what to do. I'll have to share later what happens, because at this point, I am not sure. I wasn't even sure what to write about, exactly, but I knew I was supposed to write something. This situation I find myself in, is challenging my trust, and challenging my belief on how big God really is...to me.
I know God is big. Without a doubt. I have seen His movement in my life in so many ways...supernatural ways...that I cannot possibly believe it is anything other than God's hand in the middle of it all. But how big? Do I believe, truly believe and trust, that He can do ANYTHING and that He truly has my best interest in mind? I know I say I do... But when push comes to shove, how do I react? What do I trust in and believe in? After so many years of challenges and not trusting, even in the midst of SEEING His goodness and glory, I find myself questioning with this simple situation I'm finding myself in now...How big is He?
Flying at 10,000 feet (and above) I was looking out the window at the earth below. All things we know to be "big" were so incredibly small...tiny...little slivers of images from so far away. Houses appeared to be small specks, bodies of water seemed like a drip of water that had fallen off a sweaty glass of cold water, miles of roads and winding rivers looked like slivers of thread strewn about on the ground. An entire town was smaller than the size of my thumb when pressed against the window. And the biggest things that appeared to be so small to my eyes, from so far away...mountains! Huge, massive mountains (the Rockies were some we flew by) looked no bigger than small piles of dirt that I could easily step over. (kind of disappointing, if you ask me) Bumps on the ground that my brother and I would put boards on top of, making a ramp, and jumping our bikes over when we were kids. (Yeah, we were cool like that. ;) ) And the trees on those mountains...they were smaller than blades of new grass poking through the ground. Mountains... Appearing to be so insignificant and so small to the naked eye from so far away...
Hmmm...
But we know, when we get to the base of that ginormous mountain, it is soooo large and so tall, that sometimes you can not even see the top! It's hidden in the clouds! It is soooo big that you have to really strain your neck to look up and even attempt to see the top.. And it's almost, if not entirely, impossible.
When you are close...
At this moment I ask myself... How big is God to me?
The question that He asks me in return... "How close to Me are you?"
Hmmm... Quite honestly, it makes me want to cry. Because I realize I'm not as close as I appear to be. Not in my heart... So many mountains have gotten in the way. So much "busyness", so much sadness. So many losses, things to do, decisions to make... Pressing things that have absorbed my time and efforts... My kids, my husband, my step-dad who finds himself so sad every day and struggling to do normal, daily things. Financial situations, friends, responsibilities... All of those things...like boarding a plane and looking down at 10,000 feet...pulling me further and further away.. And I've allowed it. I've been packing for a long time, and flying 10,000 feet away from the One who created those majestic mountains on the earth. And it's time to land this plane, and hike to the base of the mountain called God...touch it, feel it, smell it, embrace it...looking up in awe...so close, that the mountain (God) is all I can see...
So close, that from 10,000 feet, you can't see me...all you see is the mountain (God). So close, that as people do drive-by's and take pictures from their cars, they still can't see me...only the mountain. So close that I appear hidden in the protection of that mountain... So very, very close that I simply blend in and appear to be part of the mountain...
So very, very, very close...
Lord, I want to be that close...to You. At all times. Not just when I'm facing a mountain...but ALL the time. So close, that I can feel You...like walking up to a mountain you created...touching it, and looking up and seeing that it appears to be never-ending. No end in sight. Not just driving by and taking pictures. Yes, you can somewhat get a feel as to how big mountains are when driving by, on the ground, and taking pictures. But forget the drive-by. I don't want to settle for that. I want to walk straight up to the base, reach out and touch it, strain to look up and see the top, only to see it not visible because it is hidden in the clouds...so large it appears to go on forever...no end in sight. That's what I want You to be in my life. To put myself in that same position, not on the plane looking down, but on the ground looking up. Not 10,000 plus feet away, but right at the base. So close to You, that the situations, or circumstances that come into my life...those "mountains"... Appear so insignificant...like how REAL mountains look from 10,000 feet in the air. So close to You, that those "mountains" are mere bumps my brother and I put boards on and jumped our bikes over. So close that I don't even notice the mountains...they are just ordinary, small ant hills on the ground that I step over, without even noticing they was there...not even looking down.
Yes, that close... Because Lord, I know that You are that big!
Help me to refocus... To draw that close to You... To look up in awe, instead of looking down in disappointment. At ALL times.
And now I know what to do... Thank You, Lord.
I know God is big. Without a doubt. I have seen His movement in my life in so many ways...supernatural ways...that I cannot possibly believe it is anything other than God's hand in the middle of it all. But how big? Do I believe, truly believe and trust, that He can do ANYTHING and that He truly has my best interest in mind? I know I say I do... But when push comes to shove, how do I react? What do I trust in and believe in? After so many years of challenges and not trusting, even in the midst of SEEING His goodness and glory, I find myself questioning with this simple situation I'm finding myself in now...How big is He?
Flying at 10,000 feet (and above) I was looking out the window at the earth below. All things we know to be "big" were so incredibly small...tiny...little slivers of images from so far away. Houses appeared to be small specks, bodies of water seemed like a drip of water that had fallen off a sweaty glass of cold water, miles of roads and winding rivers looked like slivers of thread strewn about on the ground. An entire town was smaller than the size of my thumb when pressed against the window. And the biggest things that appeared to be so small to my eyes, from so far away...mountains! Huge, massive mountains (the Rockies were some we flew by) looked no bigger than small piles of dirt that I could easily step over. (kind of disappointing, if you ask me) Bumps on the ground that my brother and I would put boards on top of, making a ramp, and jumping our bikes over when we were kids. (Yeah, we were cool like that. ;) ) And the trees on those mountains...they were smaller than blades of new grass poking through the ground. Mountains... Appearing to be so insignificant and so small to the naked eye from so far away...
Hmmm...
But we know, when we get to the base of that ginormous mountain, it is soooo large and so tall, that sometimes you can not even see the top! It's hidden in the clouds! It is soooo big that you have to really strain your neck to look up and even attempt to see the top.. And it's almost, if not entirely, impossible.
When you are close...
At this moment I ask myself... How big is God to me?
The question that He asks me in return... "How close to Me are you?"
Hmmm... Quite honestly, it makes me want to cry. Because I realize I'm not as close as I appear to be. Not in my heart... So many mountains have gotten in the way. So much "busyness", so much sadness. So many losses, things to do, decisions to make... Pressing things that have absorbed my time and efforts... My kids, my husband, my step-dad who finds himself so sad every day and struggling to do normal, daily things. Financial situations, friends, responsibilities... All of those things...like boarding a plane and looking down at 10,000 feet...pulling me further and further away.. And I've allowed it. I've been packing for a long time, and flying 10,000 feet away from the One who created those majestic mountains on the earth. And it's time to land this plane, and hike to the base of the mountain called God...touch it, feel it, smell it, embrace it...looking up in awe...so close, that the mountain (God) is all I can see...
So close, that from 10,000 feet, you can't see me...all you see is the mountain (God). So close, that as people do drive-by's and take pictures from their cars, they still can't see me...only the mountain. So close that I appear hidden in the protection of that mountain... So very, very close that I simply blend in and appear to be part of the mountain...
So very, very, very close...
Lord, I want to be that close...to You. At all times. Not just when I'm facing a mountain...but ALL the time. So close, that I can feel You...like walking up to a mountain you created...touching it, and looking up and seeing that it appears to be never-ending. No end in sight. Not just driving by and taking pictures. Yes, you can somewhat get a feel as to how big mountains are when driving by, on the ground, and taking pictures. But forget the drive-by. I don't want to settle for that. I want to walk straight up to the base, reach out and touch it, strain to look up and see the top, only to see it not visible because it is hidden in the clouds...so large it appears to go on forever...no end in sight. That's what I want You to be in my life. To put myself in that same position, not on the plane looking down, but on the ground looking up. Not 10,000 plus feet away, but right at the base. So close to You, that the situations, or circumstances that come into my life...those "mountains"... Appear so insignificant...like how REAL mountains look from 10,000 feet in the air. So close to You, that those "mountains" are mere bumps my brother and I put boards on and jumped our bikes over. So close that I don't even notice the mountains...they are just ordinary, small ant hills on the ground that I step over, without even noticing they was there...not even looking down.
Yes, that close... Because Lord, I know that You are that big!
Help me to refocus... To draw that close to You... To look up in awe, instead of looking down in disappointment. At ALL times.
And now I know what to do... Thank You, Lord.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Trust...
Watching planes take off and land, butterflies in my stomach, hurry up and wait...and wait, and wait... Next thing I realize, I'm in a seat, seat belt fastened, palms sweaty, feeling the force and power as I feel pushed back into my seat. I'm watching things that I know to be solid, tilt and move further and further away from me...getting smaller and smaller. More wild than a roller coaster ride. And to be honest, I'm not a fan of roller coasters.
The power behind the take-off, defying gravity, traveling at speeds that I cannot comprehend...pretty amazing. Yet my palms sweat every time. :)
So many things like that in my life. The start of anything new, or unfamiliar. Being someplace new...not knowing directions, getting lost, driving in traffic I'm not used to...so many new things. I feel somewhat nervous and excited. And the more I think about it, the more fear sets in...
Kinda like the take-off...
The flight attendant announces that we are now 10,000 feet off the ground. That is crazy! And shortly after that, you can feel the plane gently climbing higher, leveling off, climbing higher, leveling off...until you look out the window and see noting but clouds underneath you. Now THAT is crazy!! And amazing!! Defying everything you know to be true according to the world.
Sound familiar?
Such a parallel in how God works... Nervousness of new things, new growth, new people, new opportunities.... And if I trust in myself to make it work, or make it happen, or make it amazing, I become fearful...AND I seem to fail, or become disappointed because it didn't turn out the way I thought it would or how I planned it would. Yes, there are times that I am successful...but it turns into something soooo exhausting that I want to quit or give up. And the fruit is not what I had hoped or planned it would be...and sometimes the fruit even turns sour. Why? Because I cannot do it! Not on my own. I am not equipped, capable, or have enough information to do many new things, or to conquer things that scare me by myself. I was not created to do things or go through things on my own, or to solely trust myself. I was created to depend and rely on HIM!! Someone shared a word of encouragement with me before I left, and again while I was waiting to board the plane. She said "some trust in chariots and some in horses; but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." (Psalm 20:7)- paraphrased
I'm so grateful I have a God I can trust. If my trust was solely on that plane, or the pilot, or anyone else, I can almost guarantee I would NOT have gotten on board! No way! The thought of trusting God comforts me...He's sooo big and soooo good! And only has my best interest in mind. At all times. I am totally trusting Him in my time away... Only doing what He wants me to do. I know it will be good...why? Because I trust Him. Just like I trusted Him to allow that plane to defy gravity and everything I know to be true, to get me from point A to point B without falling out of the sky. I trust Him!
Even with sweaty palms. :)
The power behind the take-off, defying gravity, traveling at speeds that I cannot comprehend...pretty amazing. Yet my palms sweat every time. :)
So many things like that in my life. The start of anything new, or unfamiliar. Being someplace new...not knowing directions, getting lost, driving in traffic I'm not used to...so many new things. I feel somewhat nervous and excited. And the more I think about it, the more fear sets in...
Kinda like the take-off...
The flight attendant announces that we are now 10,000 feet off the ground. That is crazy! And shortly after that, you can feel the plane gently climbing higher, leveling off, climbing higher, leveling off...until you look out the window and see noting but clouds underneath you. Now THAT is crazy!! And amazing!! Defying everything you know to be true according to the world.
Sound familiar?
Such a parallel in how God works... Nervousness of new things, new growth, new people, new opportunities.... And if I trust in myself to make it work, or make it happen, or make it amazing, I become fearful...AND I seem to fail, or become disappointed because it didn't turn out the way I thought it would or how I planned it would. Yes, there are times that I am successful...but it turns into something soooo exhausting that I want to quit or give up. And the fruit is not what I had hoped or planned it would be...and sometimes the fruit even turns sour. Why? Because I cannot do it! Not on my own. I am not equipped, capable, or have enough information to do many new things, or to conquer things that scare me by myself. I was not created to do things or go through things on my own, or to solely trust myself. I was created to depend and rely on HIM!! Someone shared a word of encouragement with me before I left, and again while I was waiting to board the plane. She said "some trust in chariots and some in horses; but we trust in the name of the LORD our God." (Psalm 20:7)- paraphrased
I'm so grateful I have a God I can trust. If my trust was solely on that plane, or the pilot, or anyone else, I can almost guarantee I would NOT have gotten on board! No way! The thought of trusting God comforts me...He's sooo big and soooo good! And only has my best interest in mind. At all times. I am totally trusting Him in my time away... Only doing what He wants me to do. I know it will be good...why? Because I trust Him. Just like I trusted Him to allow that plane to defy gravity and everything I know to be true, to get me from point A to point B without falling out of the sky. I trust Him!
Even with sweaty palms. :)
Monday, January 7, 2013
Overwhelmed...
Here's the scoop... I made it to the cities! It has been no easy task to get here! The enemy was working hard all day trying to keep me home...from sick kids, to feeling guilty about leaving them and Dave (my step-dad) behind. I've never been away from home this long, let alone been without my kiddos. Tough stuff! But let it be known, that with every attack that happened today, a blessing and "intervention" came right after!
Just a review of the day...
1) Lane stayed home from school. Complaining of a stomach ache since last night.
Intervention- prayer over him, he slept a while longer, and his stomach ache went away. He had a little lunch and went to school :) (Thank You, God!)
2) Washing a load of whites that I was planning to pack to take with me... Our water filter cycled (I didn't know it) and I had rust stains on EVERYTHING, including 2 of my favorite white shirts That I wear all the time. No time to shop, no time to replace those items...
Intervention- A dear friend of mine was in Mason City and picked up 2 shirts EXACTLY like the 2 that were ruined. Had no idea she was even in Mason! (amazing blessing, huh?)
3) Baggage weighing more than weight limit...packing, unpacking, repacking, and finally...
Intervention- a solution that allowed me to take what I needed, and still be under weight limit (not resolved until asking HS what I should do...and I did consult with my husband and friends that have flown before as well ;) ) HS had the ultimate solution...a mix of all advice given. He's so smart! ;)
4) Found a fairly large lump in Korbin's armpit while helping him get dressed for preschool. Had me worried and wanted to take him to the Dr.
Intervention- prayer (advice from a friend) and declaring Korbin is healed and whole in Jesus' name...and BELIEVING that. Paul is also keeping an eye on him :) (thank You in advance, Lord for your healing!)
5) A car in front of me hit a deer on the interstate and the deer went flying into my lane. Not enough time to react how I needed to, and I also hit it. A very loud "thud"... (I won't go into detail about what ground up deer looks like...or feels like as you hit it and your vehicle runs over it. Uh, too late, huh.)
Intervention- no damage that I could see. Car is running fine! (thank You, Lord!)
6) Anxiety about leaving my kiddos and Dave...
Intervention- amazing and encouraging conversations from good friends. A special word of encouragement from my step-sister, and encouragement from Dave. (including a big hug and "I love you" from him! I will cherish that! Also, reassurance that my family will visit with him and help him out if needed. I'm pretty blessed, huh? :) (thank You God for speaking through other people when I'm so wrapped up in emotions! I need to work on that.)
Another intervention to anxiety was coffee with a friend in the cities! Much appreciated time to relax and enjoy conversation!
7) Got to the hotel and found out they don't allow long term parking for people flying. (or people not staying)
Intervention- the sweet lady at the counter, with much hesitation, decided to allow me to leave my car parked at the hotel while I'm gone...for FREE! (Thank You, God for softening her heart and using her to bless me! Special prayers and blessings to her!)
8) Stinky room, feels a bit unclean...
Intervention- an amazing, thoughtful and fun care package given to me by a sweet friend. Including a "Flat Louise" to join "Thelma" on her journey. (yeah, I know that doesn't make sense to you, but it makes sense to me...and trust me, it's sweet and funny at the same time!) ( Again, thank You, God for using people to show me how much You love me... No, how much You ADORE me! :)
All of this just blows me away! Seriously... I am so blessed! Father God is speaking and showing His love and adoration through soooo many circumstances and situations that the enemy has tried to use to distract me or keep me from going. God is sooo good!
So yeah, I found myself crying this evening, on more than one occasion.. Not because I'm sad, but because I'm overwhelmed by His blessings...whether it was supernatural or through others... I am blessed...and humbled by His goodness.
Press on... Even in the midst of struggles...there is a blessing waiting just around the corner. Today was proof of that!
And the word I got while traveling tonight... "detox". I have an idea of what that means, but I can't wait to shut all the doors, close the windows, turn everything off and spend time with Him! I can't wait to see what He has planned for these 11 days!
I have a feeling there may be tears involved...and it's a good thing. :) Laughter will follow in abundance! More than I can imagine! I know that to be true...with all my heart!
Thank You, Father!! I love You!
Just a review of the day...
1) Lane stayed home from school. Complaining of a stomach ache since last night.
Intervention- prayer over him, he slept a while longer, and his stomach ache went away. He had a little lunch and went to school :) (Thank You, God!)
2) Washing a load of whites that I was planning to pack to take with me... Our water filter cycled (I didn't know it) and I had rust stains on EVERYTHING, including 2 of my favorite white shirts That I wear all the time. No time to shop, no time to replace those items...
Intervention- A dear friend of mine was in Mason City and picked up 2 shirts EXACTLY like the 2 that were ruined. Had no idea she was even in Mason! (amazing blessing, huh?)
3) Baggage weighing more than weight limit...packing, unpacking, repacking, and finally...
Intervention- a solution that allowed me to take what I needed, and still be under weight limit (not resolved until asking HS what I should do...and I did consult with my husband and friends that have flown before as well ;) ) HS had the ultimate solution...a mix of all advice given. He's so smart! ;)
4) Found a fairly large lump in Korbin's armpit while helping him get dressed for preschool. Had me worried and wanted to take him to the Dr.
Intervention- prayer (advice from a friend) and declaring Korbin is healed and whole in Jesus' name...and BELIEVING that. Paul is also keeping an eye on him :) (thank You in advance, Lord for your healing!)
5) A car in front of me hit a deer on the interstate and the deer went flying into my lane. Not enough time to react how I needed to, and I also hit it. A very loud "thud"... (I won't go into detail about what ground up deer looks like...or feels like as you hit it and your vehicle runs over it. Uh, too late, huh.)
Intervention- no damage that I could see. Car is running fine! (thank You, Lord!)
6) Anxiety about leaving my kiddos and Dave...
Intervention- amazing and encouraging conversations from good friends. A special word of encouragement from my step-sister, and encouragement from Dave. (including a big hug and "I love you" from him! I will cherish that! Also, reassurance that my family will visit with him and help him out if needed. I'm pretty blessed, huh? :) (thank You God for speaking through other people when I'm so wrapped up in emotions! I need to work on that.)
Another intervention to anxiety was coffee with a friend in the cities! Much appreciated time to relax and enjoy conversation!
7) Got to the hotel and found out they don't allow long term parking for people flying. (or people not staying)
Intervention- the sweet lady at the counter, with much hesitation, decided to allow me to leave my car parked at the hotel while I'm gone...for FREE! (Thank You, God for softening her heart and using her to bless me! Special prayers and blessings to her!)
8) Stinky room, feels a bit unclean...
Intervention- an amazing, thoughtful and fun care package given to me by a sweet friend. Including a "Flat Louise" to join "Thelma" on her journey. (yeah, I know that doesn't make sense to you, but it makes sense to me...and trust me, it's sweet and funny at the same time!) ( Again, thank You, God for using people to show me how much You love me... No, how much You ADORE me! :)
All of this just blows me away! Seriously... I am so blessed! Father God is speaking and showing His love and adoration through soooo many circumstances and situations that the enemy has tried to use to distract me or keep me from going. God is sooo good!
So yeah, I found myself crying this evening, on more than one occasion.. Not because I'm sad, but because I'm overwhelmed by His blessings...whether it was supernatural or through others... I am blessed...and humbled by His goodness.
Press on... Even in the midst of struggles...there is a blessing waiting just around the corner. Today was proof of that!
And the word I got while traveling tonight... "detox". I have an idea of what that means, but I can't wait to shut all the doors, close the windows, turn everything off and spend time with Him! I can't wait to see what He has planned for these 11 days!
I have a feeling there may be tears involved...and it's a good thing. :) Laughter will follow in abundance! More than I can imagine! I know that to be true...with all my heart!
Thank You, Father!! I love You!
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Welcome 2013!!
I'm believing for many things for 2013... Just to name a few...
MULTIPLICATION
RESTORATION
REVELATION
I'm so excited to see how God demonstrates His glory in these areas of people's lives, including my own!!
MULTIPLICATION
RESTORATION
REVELATION
I'm so excited to see how God demonstrates His glory in these areas of people's lives, including my own!!
Little is big
I have this amazing friend who writes the most beautiful blogs.. Always seems to speak my heart at the very moment in ways that i cant seem to verbalize. It has to be a God thing... Without a doubt!
Speaking of God things, I have seen the hand of God at work in so many ways these last few months! Totally supernatural! Unexplainable by the world as how the world functions. Even my step-dad, who is on the fence as far as believing goes, has seen and shared things he cannot explain. I love that! Open doors for incredible conversations! I cherish each and every one of them!
One thing I have learned is when God moves, I don't always see the results right away. Sometimes it's so small, I cannot even recognize it as Him until later when I'm reflecting on things that have happened. Or something pretty significant happens, and I'm blown away! Thanking Him for the big things.. And then He reveals all the little things that happened along the way, leading to the bigger thing. Whoa!! His hand was involved the entire time, I just didn't recognize it. Or I took it for granted. Or I simply overlooked it entirely.
So, Lord, help me to see the little things. Help me to recognize Your hand in EVERYTHING! Help me to be grateful for all things, big or small, and help me to be more and more vulnerable every day.. knocking down those walls that keep others at a distance. Help me to walk more with my heart, and take nothing for granted. Lord, let the words of my mouth be filled with nothing but praise to You, and edifying to everyone I encounter... I was made in Your image... Help me to remember that, and hide Your word in my heart, ready and available at a moments notice! I am Your's!
Speaking of God things, I have seen the hand of God at work in so many ways these last few months! Totally supernatural! Unexplainable by the world as how the world functions. Even my step-dad, who is on the fence as far as believing goes, has seen and shared things he cannot explain. I love that! Open doors for incredible conversations! I cherish each and every one of them!
One thing I have learned is when God moves, I don't always see the results right away. Sometimes it's so small, I cannot even recognize it as Him until later when I'm reflecting on things that have happened. Or something pretty significant happens, and I'm blown away! Thanking Him for the big things.. And then He reveals all the little things that happened along the way, leading to the bigger thing. Whoa!! His hand was involved the entire time, I just didn't recognize it. Or I took it for granted. Or I simply overlooked it entirely.
So, Lord, help me to see the little things. Help me to recognize Your hand in EVERYTHING! Help me to be grateful for all things, big or small, and help me to be more and more vulnerable every day.. knocking down those walls that keep others at a distance. Help me to walk more with my heart, and take nothing for granted. Lord, let the words of my mouth be filled with nothing but praise to You, and edifying to everyone I encounter... I was made in Your image... Help me to remember that, and hide Your word in my heart, ready and available at a moments notice! I am Your's!
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Meet with me
In the midst of preparing a trip I have longed to happen for many years now, I'm finding myself almost not wanting to go. Flight is booked, rental car lined up, hotels, friends to stay with, and even a conference at a church I have really wanted to visit. Sounds exciting, huh? 11 days, no kiddos, no schedules really... Just me and God.
Yet a part of me doesn't want to go...
I've never been away from home that long. I've never been away from my boys that long. Thinking about leaving already makes me homesick. So I pray, and listen, and pray some more...
And then I know...
He says... Meet with me.
And thank your mom for this opportunity. She made it happen. And now that she knows what this is all about, she wants you to go... And meet with me.
Makes me smile... With tear filled eyes..
My mom gets it:) We rarely shared a conversation about Jesus, and now that she is in His presence (I'll share that journey some day) she wants me to go. Meet with Him... And she made it happen.
Thanks mom! I'm going... :)
Yet a part of me doesn't want to go...
I've never been away from home that long. I've never been away from my boys that long. Thinking about leaving already makes me homesick. So I pray, and listen, and pray some more...
And then I know...
He says... Meet with me.
And thank your mom for this opportunity. She made it happen. And now that she knows what this is all about, she wants you to go... And meet with me.
Makes me smile... With tear filled eyes..
My mom gets it:) We rarely shared a conversation about Jesus, and now that she is in His presence (I'll share that journey some day) she wants me to go. Meet with Him... And she made it happen.
Thanks mom! I'm going... :)
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