Do Over

Lots to do before the holidays, and if I may be honest, I don't want to do any of them. Sitting in my sanctuary, listening to a dear friend share her heart about the loss of her loved one... Overwhelmed with sadness. For her, for me, for my family, and for my mom. My mom because there is a part of me that wonders if she truly knew the extent and seriousness of her situation. Maybe she did... Maybe she didn't. I'll never have the answer to that question this side of heaven.

And I am sad because if I had known my mom was in her final days, I would've done things differently. Maybe I should've told her how sick she was. Maybe I would've held her hand a few minutes longer, kissed her a few more times, told her I loved her more, stayed every night at the hospital instead of going home the few nights that I did. Maybe we should've transferred her to a different hospital, maybe I should've demanded to speak to a Dr. sooner than what I did, maybe I should've pushed for another surgery, maybe I should've had more conversations about Jesus than what I did.. I don't know.

All I kept thinking today was, I want a do-over. You know, like in school when you take tests, and your teacher checks your paper and you realize you didn't get the grade or score you wanted... sometimes the teacher allows you to make corrections for even half credit... I wanna do that.

I want to make those corrections.

The fear in her eyes, the confusion, the exhaustion... Those images open the flood gates... And it feels like the tears won't stop. All I can think about is, I want a do-over. Just those last 10 days, that's all. And as I was thinking that today I was reminded again... God's plan is perfect.

Without the events that happened, the ending may not have been as beautiful as it was. So many things happened those 10 days... Things that may not have happened had those 10 days been different. I'll tell more about those amazing things later...

The good news is, I get the do-over I so desire. Yes, that's right, I get to redo those days over and over again until I leave this earth. No, my mom is not here on this earth to do those things with her. But I know, the Lord provides opportunities to touch others in so many ways every day... And I'm going to take advantage of every opportunity that crosses my path. That is my do-over. That is my opportunity for test corrections. And as for my mom and the things that I wish I could change... I'm grateful for His perfect plan. Had the chain of events been different, I may not have had those 10 days. My heart may not have changed. Forgiveness may not have happened. And my mom may not have been saved. I prayed for healing... And she is now perfectly healed, whole, and happy...doing what she loves to do...dance... Only now she is dancing with her King.

Love you, mom.