Jump In And Get Wet

I love music. I love worship. I love TO worship! I love sitting in the sanctuary of my van, driving, praying, singing...just spending time with my Father. He's just soooo good! I find so many emotions in my van...it truly is my "secret place", so to speak. The place I can think, process, pray out loud, talk to myself, (yes, I do that) coordinate kids' schedules, have conversations with friends, sing, laugh, get angry, allow myself to be vulnerable and cry... You know, stuff like that. The cry part? Yeah, that's what I did today. Cried... A lot. I miss my mom. I still have a hard time believing she truly is not here, and I find myself bursting into tears at any moments notice. Sometimes it's at the most inconvenient times, but for the most part it happens in my van... Way more often now than at night when I go to bed. My pillow is not as tear soaked as it was in the beginning of this journey, but there sure are a lot of kleenex in my van!

So today as I was driving, I had a moment of utter sadness...and the tears, uncontrollable tears, began spilling out over my cheeks. Of course it's in between me dropping off my youngest at preschool and heading to the Dr's office...so I just prayed... I felt this longing in my heart for joy, but with the tears pouring from my eyes, I didn't know how joy could be a possibility at that moment. Then I heard "lift up your voice in praise to Me. You will find joy." I admit, I didn't feel like singing. Not at all. I wanted to sink in my sadness, and shut the whole world out. And at that moment, when I was planning ways to shut out the world, I was reminded that this is a tool of the enemy. Why? It was keeping me from worshipping the One who is worthy of praise. The One who gave my mom life, who in turn chose to bring me into this world. The One that allowed me to spend 10 days with my mom before she left this earth...which never would've happened otherwise. The One that changes hearts, heals wounds, restores brokenness...gave EVERYTHING for me to have life. The One who provides all my needs according to HIS riches. He wanted me to worship Him in the midst of my sadness...but how? I just wanted to be sad. But that sadness became consuming, and in turn went beyond ok sadness. And in the moments that followed, I learned you can grieve and be sad, and STILL worship the One who gives life.. And it's ok...


I flipped the iPod on shuffle, and the first song...

"I've got a river of living water, a fountain that never will run dry. It's an open heaven You're releasing, we will never be denied. Cuz we're stirring up deep, deep wells. We're stirring up deep, deep waters. We're gonna dance in the river. Dance in the river. Cuz we're stirring up deep, deep wells. We're stirring up deep, deep waters. We're gonna jump in the river. Jump in the river. ...Deep Cries Out to, Deep Cries Out to You, we cry out to You, Jesus! "

Hmmm... Can you guess what happened?

My heart danced. My spirit raced with excitement.

And I worshipped.

That's right... Deep cried out to Jesus.... My deepest yearnings surfaced, my protected hurts flowed, and my heart sang.

And there was joy....

God is just that good. :) Thank You, Lord, for Your joy.. That flows like rivers. Your grace and love that is deeper than any well. Your gentleness that wraps around us. Your mercy that You pour over us, and Your goodness that overtakes us... Your glory that fills us, and Your JOY that overcomes.

Time to jump in the river and dance! Join me? :)

Amen.