I know God is big. Without a doubt. I have seen His movement in my life in so many ways...supernatural ways...that I cannot possibly believe it is anything other than God's hand in the middle of it all. But how big? Do I believe, truly believe and trust, that He can do ANYTHING and that He truly has my best interest in mind? I know I say I do... But when push comes to shove, how do I react? What do I trust in and believe in? After so many years of challenges and not trusting, even in the midst of SEEING His goodness and glory, I find myself questioning with this simple situation I'm finding myself in now...How big is He?
Flying at 10,000 feet (and above) I was looking out the window at the earth below. All things we know to be "big" were so incredibly small...tiny...little slivers of images from so far away. Houses appeared to be small specks, bodies of water seemed like a drip of water that had fallen off a sweaty glass of cold water, miles of roads and winding rivers looked like slivers of thread strewn about on the ground. An entire town was smaller than the size of my thumb when pressed against the window. And the biggest things that appeared to be so small to my eyes, from so far away...mountains! Huge, massive mountains (the Rockies were some we flew by) looked no bigger than small piles of dirt that I could easily step over. (kind of disappointing, if you ask me) Bumps on the ground that my brother and I would put boards on top of, making a ramp, and jumping our bikes over when we were kids. (Yeah, we were cool like that. ;) ) And the trees on those mountains...they were smaller than blades of new grass poking through the ground. Mountains... Appearing to be so insignificant and so small to the naked eye from so far away...
Hmmm...
But we know, when we get to the base of that ginormous mountain, it is soooo large and so tall, that sometimes you can not even see the top! It's hidden in the clouds! It is soooo big that you have to really strain your neck to look up and even attempt to see the top.. And it's almost, if not entirely, impossible.
When you are close...
At this moment I ask myself... How big is God to me?
The question that He asks me in return... "How close to Me are you?"
Hmmm... Quite honestly, it makes me want to cry. Because I realize I'm not as close as I appear to be. Not in my heart... So many mountains have gotten in the way. So much "busyness", so much sadness. So many losses, things to do, decisions to make... Pressing things that have absorbed my time and efforts... My kids, my husband, my step-dad who finds himself so sad every day and struggling to do normal, daily things. Financial situations, friends, responsibilities... All of those things...like boarding a plane and looking down at 10,000 feet...pulling me further and further away.. And I've allowed it. I've been packing for a long time, and flying 10,000 feet away from the One who created those majestic mountains on the earth. And it's time to land this plane, and hike to the base of the mountain called God...touch it, feel it, smell it, embrace it...looking up in awe...so close, that the mountain (God) is all I can see...
So close, that from 10,000 feet, you can't see me...all you see is the mountain (God). So close, that as people do drive-by's and take pictures from their cars, they still can't see me...only the mountain. So close that I appear hidden in the protection of that mountain... So very, very close that I simply blend in and appear to be part of the mountain...
So very, very, very close...
Lord, I want to be that close...to You. At all times. Not just when I'm facing a mountain...but ALL the time. So close, that I can feel You...like walking up to a mountain you created...touching it, and looking up and seeing that it appears to be never-ending. No end in sight. Not just driving by and taking pictures. Yes, you can somewhat get a feel as to how big mountains are when driving by, on the ground, and taking pictures. But forget the drive-by. I don't want to settle for that. I want to walk straight up to the base, reach out and touch it, strain to look up and see the top, only to see it not visible because it is hidden in the clouds...so large it appears to go on forever...no end in sight. That's what I want You to be in my life. To put myself in that same position, not on the plane looking down, but on the ground looking up. Not 10,000 plus feet away, but right at the base. So close to You, that the situations, or circumstances that come into my life...those "mountains"... Appear so insignificant...like how REAL mountains look from 10,000 feet in the air. So close to You, that those "mountains" are mere bumps my brother and I put boards on and jumped our bikes over. So close that I don't even notice the mountains...they are just ordinary, small ant hills on the ground that I step over, without even noticing they was there...not even looking down.
Yes, that close... Because Lord, I know that You are that big!
Help me to refocus... To draw that close to You... To look up in awe, instead of looking down in disappointment. At ALL times.
And now I know what to do... Thank You, Lord.
No comments:
Post a Comment